


a discovery of inappropriate actions performed while recording a voicemail

by notjodieyet



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Scream of the Shalka, Soup, THE VOICEMAIL THOUGH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, Thoschei, grocery store run that's gone a bit off the rails, i am obsessed with soup, shalka voicemail, the master and rose are best friends now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23385043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjodieyet/pseuds/notjodieyet
Summary: Rose calls the TARDIS. The voicemail is rather interesting.(Only makes sense if you've watched the 2003 story Scream of the Shalka, really, or at least seen this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZHyokgUAGs&ab_channel=sunnyloxmi4)
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm), The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler, The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), The Doctor/The Master/Rose Tyler, The Master & Rose Tyler
Comments: 11
Kudos: 64





	a discovery of inappropriate actions performed while recording a voicemail

Rose usually had no problem with the way the TARDIS worked. Sure, the noise was a bit grating, and yes, the stumbling around and nearly falling over every time they teleported was a drawback, but she didn’t _know_ anything about normal spaceships, so she couldn’t quite criticize it. 

She did, however, have one very specific complaint.

Why in the world did they have to go grocery shopping? 

In her opinion, an advanced ship like the TARDIS should have some sort of automatic system, some way to ensure the denizens of the ship didn’t have to wander around Tesco and bicker with an annoyingly chaotic Time Lord. 

“Stop switching the labels on everything.” Rose slapped the Master’s hand away from changing the canned soup price to ₤50 apiece. “And get a few of those split pea, will you?”

The Master got a singular can of split pea soup and put it in the cart. Rose took a long-suffering sigh. “Maybe a bit more?”

The Master went back and got the rest of the split pea soup from the shelf.

“I can’t believe I’m baby-sitting you.”

“You aren’t.”

“Yeah, right.” She chewed her bottom lip as she considered the rest of the canned food. “Have we got any minestrone at home?”

“Ask the Doctor.”

Rose pulled out her phone, then promptly put it back away. “His phone’s dead and he lost the charger last week.”

“We’ll just get the minestrone, then.” The Master picked up a can of minestrone. 

“There’s no point if we’ve already got it. I’ll just call the TARDIS.”

The Master winced. “He never answers the TARDIS phone, Rose, _please_ …” He held out the minestrone, but Rose shook her head. 

“I’m just going to call him. Chill.” He had absolutely zero chill, and Rose knew this. Asking him to relax in any sense of the word was like asking a moth to please stay away from that lightbulb, or asking the Doctor to be quiet in the middle of one of his full-speed-ahead lectures. The phone rang. 

The Master lunged forward to snatch it away. “Please, Rose?”

_Rrrring. Rrrrring._

It went through without anybody picking it up; the Master had been correct when he’d said the Doctor never answered the TARDIS phone. (Was it a landline? Did it really count as a landline?) 

“Hello,” said an unfamilar voice on the line, giggling. “You’ve reached the good ship TARDIS. We’re rather busy at the moment! Hahaha _ha_ , leave a message after the beep and we’ll try to get back to you before you call — stop that!” The voice wheezed with laughter, and an abrupt beep cut it off.

Rose stared at the Master, who was flushed bright red. 

“Who was that?” she asked, and turned off her phone without leaving a message. She was trying very, very hard not to burst into laughter. 

The Master turned on his heels and scooped nearly the entire shelf of canned soup into his arms with a short grunt. “Let’s just — go.”

“You? Was it you?” said Rose with mounting delight. He was almost never this obviously embarassed, and she was going to milk it for all it was worth. “Master!”

“It wasn’t me!” the Master protested. “Just let it alone, okay?”

“Was that the Doctor?”

No answer this time, but the Master’s blush got redder. Rose laughed. “Oh my God, you guys were going at it, weren’t you?”

“Shut up!”

“I can’t believe you had sex _and recorded a voicemail._ ”  
“We did not.”

“Did not have sex or did not record that voicemail?” Rose raised an eyebrow. 

The Master pouted, and went, if it were even possible, deeper red. “ _Please_ don’t tell anybody.”

“You had sex. And recorded the TARDIS voicemail. _Oh my God._ Oh my God. Oh my _God_.”

The Master dropped all the soup in the grocery cart and stormed off. Rose giggled for a long time afterwards, but she never did tell anybody.

Except for Jackie.

Jackie and Rose spent a very long time laughing about it.


End file.
